Dating Tips Special

Today, for good or bad, online dating is one of the most popular ways to meet people. The popularity of Internet dating sites has added to this new way of getting to know someone. Nowadays, you can find dating websites for almost any interest. Whether you’re just looking for a Dating Tips or have some specific spiritual, lifestyle, or other needs, there is someone out there for you who is just a few mouse clicks away. And for those with few social skills it is an ideal way to get to know people. So, with all the great dating sites online today, it has become easier than ever to find someone

Of course, care must be taken when using the Dating Tips for this. The biggest difference between online dating and dating someone you meet in person is that you do not have the same ability to interact with them in person. You don’t have the same chance to look in their eyes and see if they are who they say they are. This is why caution should be used online. Common sense is absolutely essential when considering dating anyone, but more importantly someone you have met online.

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Dating can be hard enough at times, but the situation can be made that much more challenging for those single gay men who represent the age 40 and up crowd. In a society where youth and beauty are highly valued, many middle-aged men report feeling segregated and unappreciated in dating pools, making it difficult to meet and sustain relationships with potential dating prospects. The problem can seem even more compounded in the gay community in which the emphasis on youth and brawn is amplified, causing many mature gay men to feel undesirable and like outsiders within gay circles. They feel unwanted and that their age hinders them and limits the pool of men available to them for dating, particularly when they report being rejected by men in their own cohort for younger guys. Ageism, or discrimination against someone because of his age, plagues many different layers of our culture--and it also can and does rear its ugly head in the gay dating world. This "over-the-hill" mentality is very damaging, robbing us of the opportunity to really experience life, take risks toward goals, and make the most of what we have (if we let it!). This case is illustrated in the comment of a former 29-year old client: "I turn 30 later this year and then I officially am old! I'll never have a boyfriend now! I feel like my life is over and it's all downhill from here on out!"

It is hoped that this article will prove all that wrong and provide you with some tips for maximizing your midlife dating success! While the reality is that ageism does exist and there are obstacles in the dating jungle (at any age), these hurdles do not have to dictate the outcome of your love-life. In actuality, your stage-of-life puts you in an advantageous position to conquer this adversity. With your life experience and history, you probably have a greater repertoire of coping skills, resiliency, sense of self, assertiveness, self-esteem, and an expansive support system and resources. This will take you far and makes you a very good catch!

So let's push aside those fears that you won't be able to attract someone after you reach a certain age. Let's destroy that stereotype that all older gay men are unhappy, lonely, and camp out at the local strip bar every night "trolling." It's nonsense! YOU make your life what you want it to be and "you're only as old as you feel", as the "old" saying goes. Midlife is sexy! And here are seven tips to help boost your dating success as a 40+ single gay man to enhance your readiness for a relationship!

STEP 1: CREATE YOUR VISION

No matter what your age, this is the most critical first step. It's very important that you take the time to develop a clear and vivid image of who you are and what you want out of your life, including your dating life. Are you seeking a long-term relationship and a life partner or just casual dating? What does the rest of your life look like? What would your ideal partner be like and how would your relationship function? Your answers to such questions will help give you the direction you need to accomplish your goals, giving you a measuring stick to keep you on track and assess your status. How much of a gap exists between your idealized vision and your current reality? Do the work that's needed to bridge that gap and begin the process of identifying your needs, differentiating between those that are negotiable and non-negotiable so you can more adequately screen future dating partners for their suitability with your vision.

STEP 7: BE PROACTIVE AND HAVE THE RIGHT STUFF

Dating is not a passive activity. You must be proactive and go after what you want or the likelihood of success is minimized. Develop a strong resource bank of dating skills and behaviors that will promote the chances of more positive outcomes. Strengthen your social skills, build more assertiveness and comfort with boundaries, enhance your self-esteem and body image, resolve unfinished business from the past, and get yourself into good physical and emotional shape. Get yourself armed and ready for love!

Conclusion

Gay dating success can be yours in midlife, and at any age! By incorporating these seven steps into your dating plan, you're well on your way to increasing the odds of success. Know yourself, develop a positive and optimistic mindset, build your repertoire of dating skills and behaviors, and live your life to the fullest! This can be the best time of your life; don't waste another minute!

For more information on gay midlife and dating, here are a few resources that might be of interest.

· For more elaboration on the concepts of vision, dating venues, and dating skills: "Conscious Dating: Finding The Love of Your Life In Today's World" by David Steele. Campbell, CA: RCN Press. 2006.

· Literature on managing issues related to the gay midlife: "Golden Men: The Power of Gay Midlife" by Harold Kooden, PhD & Charles Flowers. New York, NY: Avon Books. 2000.

· http://www.graygay.com -and- [http://www.grayandgay.com]

Disclaimer: The Gay Love Coach does not represent or endorse the quality of any products, information, or materials displayed, purchased, or obtained by you as a result of its mention in this newsletter. It's common sense to do your own due diligence before purchasing a product.

©2007 Brian L. Rzepczynski

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:

Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com

Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!

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It might seem like an impossibility but it is perfectly all right and possible in all aspects to date without engaging in sex. It is all in the mind. It starts with you! If you tend to lean towards sexual thoughts, your mind will get into an overdrive and you will be yearning to have sex. Let your mind operate on a sex off mode when it comes about and you will be liberated.

You can give your relationship a new tag and say it is a platonic friendship. When dating without sex, avoid instances where you are all by yourselves. These are places that can bring the need of intimacy and draw you closer to temptation. Men are sexy beings and it is very possible and human to lose control and break the resolutions you had agreed with together. Ensure there are always other people around you apart from the two of you. Pecks and kisses are all right but it should stop there.

Though it is a subject to debate, a relationship is not all about sex. There is more to it than sex. When dating without sex, explore other areas such as engaging in intelligent conversation with your partner. You can debate on the various disciplines in academics like history, biology, law, metaphysics, the list is endless. Apart from such conversations making you stronger in your resolve, they are good for self discovery. Let your partner be your best friend. Since avoiding this topic is really difficult, talk to your partner about it and come to an agreement. Discuss about abstinence from all angles. Examine the impacts it might have on the relationship and whether it suits both of you. Are you comfortable with the arrangement as a dating couple?

A man and a woman can definitely be dating without sex. If someone has the audacity of refuting this then that person is missing a lot on life. Just because you are dating does not mean you must have sex. You can do all the great things that you do with all your friends. Like being there as friend. Help your partner in sorting out issues during troubled times. Reconcile with yourself, not having sex with your partner while dating is a personal conviction of the heart and mind.

Invite your friends along when you want to hang out. Have fun together and fill good about it because you didn't engage in sex. Alcohol sometimes impairs your sense of judgment hence it would be risky to just hang out all by yourselves. Do not feel like your privacy is being infringed upon. You can always have quality time together in a quiet restaurant drinking coffee or visit a recreation park. Go to the movies together and have a great time. Join a social club in your locality, for example a church group, a volunteer group or what seems good to you. That way you get to spend so much time together without even giving sex a thought. The goal here is dating without sex. You can survive it and actually come out strong.

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